Nikki Glaser Reveals Brutal Jokes She Lower From Her Golden Globes Monologue

Whereas most of Glaser’s jokes have been successful and there are even rumblings that she could possibly be requested again subsequent 12 months, the comic admittedly has some next-day gripes about her personal efficiency and is now revealing a number of the harsh jokes she reduce from her monologue.

Sitting down with Howard Stern for his SiriusXM present on Monday morning, Glaser shared a number of the jokes that did not make it onto the stage on the Beverly Hilton Sunday.

“That is the final time all of you can be the identical room collectively till the Diddy trial,” Glaser quipped, revealing was one of many jokes.

“We had one other Diddy point out that labored higher … and also you solely get one Diddy point out,” she defined. “You are additionally accusing the individuals within the room of being concerned in that, and so they may activate you.”

One other included a sensitive point out of the Catholic Church drama, Conclave.

“I beloved Conclave. It is in regards to the selecting a brand new pope. It was heartwarming. It can contact you a lot that the church should transfer it to a different theater. Sizzling tip: You do not want ID to get into the Conclave after get together,” Glaser shared.

“We did not do these as a result of they have been Catholic Church pedophile jokes — we have all heard them, we do not want extra of that,” she added.

One other was was a follow-up to her joke calling Adrien Brody a “two-time Holocaust survivor” for his look in two Holocaust films — The Pianist and The Brutalist — however she reduce this half: “If Adrien Brody might return in time, he would thank child Hitler for his profession.”

“I beloved that one such a lot,” Glaser admitted. “However my assistant is Gen Z and she or he was like, ‘I do not get it,'” as a result of time journey/kill Hitler reference being, apparently, a bit dated.

“Oh we will lose an entire technology on that joke, after which I’ve mentioned ‘Hitler’ for nothing,'” she reasoned.

There was additionally a joke referencing Luigi Mangione, who’s accused of murdering UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson: “Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought you’d solely be the second-hottest hit man in America?”

Glaser additionally was set to take some jabs at Nicole Kidman, however held again.

“The Wild Robotic is nominated tonight — and by that I imply Nicole Kidman after two white wines,” Glaser shared, revealing the joke.

“I want we might have finished that, but when she makes a face…,” Glasser defined earlier than sharing her Timothée Chalamet joke.

“Timothée Chalamet took classes in guitar, dialect, motion and vocals to turn into Bob Dylan [in A Complete Unknown]. Whereas Bob Dylan turned Bob Dylan the old school approach: heroin and autism.”

Alec Baldwin was a topic too, following a Beetlejuice Beetlejuice crack.

“Michael Keaton was so nice in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. And Alec Baldwin sadly didn’t come again to play a ghost as a result of he was too busy making them,” Glaser shared, referencing the capturing loss of life of Halyna Hutchins on Baldwins 2021 movie, Rust.

“Please know that I do know that was not good. It is such an incredible joke, nevertheless it’s simply too imply,” Glaser mentioned, revealing why she selected to go away that one out.

“This is Ben Affleck. I can not wait to see which Jennifer you attempt to wreck subsequent,” she shared, earlier than explaining that she already had a crack in regards to the actor’s failed marriage to Jennifer Lopez after having one other Affleck joke in her monologue.

Glaser additionally revealed that she “tousled” the Affleck joke through the present.

Whereas Glaser mentioned, “Depraved, Queer, Nightbitch — these will not be simply phrases Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are a number of the unimaginable films nominated tonight,” the joke was imagined to be “when he orgasms.”

“I mentioned ‘after’ and it actually bugged me,” Glaser famous. “It nonetheless works. It is simply much less clear. It is 2 % extra humorous [the other way].”

Whereas Stern identified that no one cares in regards to the model of jokes they did not hear, Glaser mentioned the viewers would not notice how way more they’d’ve appreciated it.

And although she was exhausting on herself after the present, she mentioned that considered one of her writers assured her afterwards that she received an “A+” following the internet hosting gig.

“I went to mattress pleased,” she mentioned.

Different jokes that did not make it included a couple of jabs at Solely Murders within the Constructing and a joke about Dax Shepard. Stern additionally requested Glaser about how a lot she was paid.

“There was a previous host who mentioned how a lot he received paid in his monologue,” Glaser mentioned, referring to Jerrod Carmichael revealing he was paid $500,000 for the gig when he hosted in 2023.. “I received lower than that. It is OK. I will get extra subsequent 12 months. I truthfully would have finished it free of charge, it is such an insane platform. … [But] subsequent time I will ask for more cash.”

Whereas Glaser revealed that she hasn’t been formally requested to host once more subsequent 12 months, she’s assured she’ll be again.

“I can not think about they would not. … It is exhausting to search out individuals to do these exhibits,” Glaser reasoned. “… [But] I’d by no means have the ability to dwell with myself if I turned it down as a result of I am fearful of bombing.”